New Year’s Eve is a day for reflections. For us, New Year’s Eve will forever be remembered as the day on which we learned that we were having a second little boy (John Tate) and that he had Trisomy 13. Today also marks 7 months since we have held our little angel in our arms 💙
While, on the one hand, our reflections of 2015 are tinged with sadness in light of John’s birth and passing on May 31st, 2015, we also will forever remember 2015 as a year of blessings. John Tate was, first and foremost, an incredible blessing to us. God, through John, taught us so much about love and life. The depth of our experience with John has also allowed us to better grasp the character of God and enabled us to better recognize and appreciate the blessings in our lives.
In particular, we have seen first hand that He never leaves us or forsakes us...
We are also so thankful for our friends. We have been blessed beyond measure by wonderful friends who genuinely care for us, pray for us, and have been there for us in the times that we needed it most. Just knowing that we are being remembered and specifically knowing that we are being prayed for means so much…and it makes a difference.
During John’s Memorial Service, Brittney and I shared some “Reflections”. We have been meaning to post the text of our comments for months. It seems appropriate to post the text of our remarks this afternoon as we look back on the blessings of 2015 and forward to the blessings that 2016 will hold for us. Thank you for continuing to follow us on our Journey…we love you all!
~David
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John Tate Bottoms Memorial Service
June 23, 2015
Reflections by David & Brittney Bottoms
DAVID:
Thank you all for taking the time to be with us this morning to celebrate the beautiful life of our sweet baby boy. You are all special to us and your prayers and encouragement today, and throughout the past six months, have meant so much to both Brittney and me.
Our journey with Baby John was a precious one and we are so thankful for the fact that God blessed us with him as our son. The path has not played out the way that we would have scripted it, but we have seen that, even in the midst of apparent tragedy, God is good and He is working. He has taken care of us, He has taken care of John, and He has taught us so much and drawn us so much closer to Him. We are incredibly thankful for that and for the blessings of this experience.
Our journey with Baby John took a turn we weren’t expecting on December 21st, 2014. Following an ultrasound, the doctor told us that he thought there was a high probability that “something major” was wrong with our baby. Knowing that God was in this, but not knowing how things would play out, I wrote John a letter which I planned to read to him when he was old enough to understand it in the hopes that He would see God’s hand in his life. Obviously, I never had a chance to read it to John, but I will read it to you:
“Dear Child:
It is Christmas Eve 2014 and I have been thinking about you a lot over these past few weeks. Your mom and I are so thankful to God for blessing us with the promise of a child, and we can’t wait to meet you.
Earlier this week, we went to the doctor in hopes of finding out if you are a boy or a girl…you were laying on your belly and wouldn’t roll over, so we still don’t know. We did get to see your little body, head, and one of your hands…it was so precious to see you.
The doctor told us that there is a 20% chance that you are very sick. While it makes me really sad to think that you might be sick, I want you to know that, even as I write this note without knowing whether you will or will not be healthy when you are born, I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart. In fact, this week has made me, more than anything, very excited to meet you, hug you, and welcome you into our family. I haven’t even met you yet, but I love you so much!
You are a child of God and He is knitting you together right now in your mother’s womb. He promises in Psalm 139 that He has numbered every one of your days and that He thinks of you so often that if you were to count up the number of times God thinks of you it would be a number bigger than the number of sands on the shore. You are loved and our love for you is not conditioned on your health, ability, strength, or performance.
We love you because you are a Child of God…a precious gift of God who will grow up to know of His goodness and His love for you. Your mom and I commit to doing everything that we can to raise you such that you know the Lord, love the Lord, and allow Him to use you for His glory. There is no higher calling than to be used by God, and He has the ability to use you whether you are healthy or sick.
We worship a powerful God, and you are being introduced into the world having been bathed in prayer by people who love you. God has big plans for you…I love you, little angel. I can’t wait to meet you.
Dad”
On New Year’s Eve, when we received the call that our child, who we soon thereafter learned was a baby boy, had Trisomy 13, our hearts sank and our heads spun. In that moment, I experienced the most raw and clear realization of my human weakness that I have ever felt. There was absolutely nothing that I could do to change the outcome for our son.
After knowing John’s prognosis, and on initial reflection upon the letter which I wrote him (which I now knew I would never get to read him), I thought “well, God didn’t work out that miracle I was hoping for.” Then, the more I thought about it, I realized that God was working incredible miracles through John’s life and He was using Baby John’s life to do a lot of good, not in spite of the fact that John was sick, but especially because he was.
We have seen firsthand that what the Bible says is true…God is a “promisemaker” and He is a “promisekeeper.” God never promised us easy lives, healthy children, or a carefree existence, but He did promise to “never leave us or forsake us”. He promised to “work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.” He promised to provide a “peace that surpasses all understanding.” He promised us that if we rely on Him, He will give us the strength that we need...we have experienced (and continue to experience) His faithful performance on the basis of those promises and we so thankful to Him.
BRITTNEY:
I also want to thank God for the gift of our sweet baby boy, John Tate. The odds of him making it to birth were stacked against him…he was special, he was one in 16,000. He should have passed away even before he was born, as 95% of all babies with Trisomy 13 do in the first trimester of pregnancy, but he didn’t…he kept growing, kept kicking, and kept making his presence known to us. He pretty much stayed in the same position for most of my pregnancy, but I could feel his every move…his sweet little head nudged up under my right ribs, his little feet kicking me on my upper left side, and his little bottom pushing down on my bladder constantly. We were so blessed to be able to feel him for the last couple of months of my pregnancy…even Drew could kiss him on the head and feel his kicks…that was so special for us. I really miss the feeling of carrying John Tate, safe in my belly…I wish I could have kept him there forever.
We, as a family and a community, committed John Tate to The Lord and we prayed that he would continue to grow inside of me and make it to be born alive. The Lord was faithful and answered our biggest prayer when our boy was born on Sunday May 31st, 2015 at 4:44 AM. He was faithful to answer our prayer that the time we were allowed with John would be precious and perfect. Our time with John in the hospital was so beautiful and peaceful, and that could only be because The Lord orchestrated that.
We continue to have reminders from God that:
1. His ways are greater than my ways (John 3:30- He must increase, but I must decrease)
2. His plans are greater than my plans (Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose)
I truly believe that His ways are greater than my ways and His plans are greater than my plans, but sometimes that is hard to handle (especially when you are a “slight” control freaks like we are!). There were so many ways that The Lord was telling us He was in control, but one way that really sticks out in my mind is how He mercifully chose John Tate’s birthday for us. All along, we were told that it would be best to elect to have John Tate early, that it would increase the likelihood that we would meet our boy alive.
I never felt comfortable choosing his birthday, let alone choosing to have him so much earlier than you would normally have a baby. This bothered me so much and I stressed over it. I remember telling Connie Mussleman that it bothered me, and I will never forget what she told me: “God will make it clear when you are supposed to have John”…boy, was she right! I just thought that He might give me some peace about choosing John’s birthday, I didn’t expect that He would take this worry out of our hands by having my water break. What a sweet and merciful God.
I know I would have tortured myself after John was born and had passed if this hadn’t happened…did we choose to have him too early? What if we had waited another week? The Lord took that off of our plate and chose May 31st as John’s special day.
As He had been all along, He made sure that the “right people” were in the “right place” at the “right time”. Even though John Tate was born in the middle of the night, 5 days before his scheduled C-Section, everything we had “planned” for that day pretty much fell into place…and despite the fact that the photographer we had lined up wasn't able to make it to the hospital to take pictures, we have over 700 photos and many, many precious videos of our boy while he was alive and after he passed thanks to my sister, Candie, and a very special nurse from WellStar named Cathy.
Cathy was a great example of God’s provision of the right people at the right time…she had been guiding us through our pregnancy since February by helping us wisely make difficult decisions as part of John’s “birth plan.” The fact that she answered my phone call at 2:50am on a Sunday morning to come to the hospital to guide us through the morning was absolutely amazing, and such a blessing.
In addition to helping us throughout the morning, she prayed over me before they gave me my spinal anesthesia (since David couldn't be in the room with me then) and she captured John’s living moments on video while in the delivery room. She also made sure that everything at the hospital was arranged so that we could spend as many precious moments with John as possible with as little distractions as possible. There was nothing chaotic about the morning, it was all seamless and so beautiful.
I want to tell you a little bit about sweet John Tate. He was the most beautiful baby! I still cannot believe that he weighed 4 pounds 14 ounces even though he was born 35 weeks into the pregnancy! Most babies diagnosed with Trisomy 13 are born much smaller…so I thanked God in the delivery room for our chubby little boy! His cheeks were so round and soft…and his little nose was so sweet…he looked a lot like his big brother, Drew.
He had SO MUCH hair! Drew was born bald, but John Tate had a nearly full head of brown, wavy hair (like his daddy!). One of my very favorite photos is of the back of his head and you can see all of his beautiful hair.
John was delivered and given to me right away, and very soon after they put him on my chest and covered him with warm blankets, he started crying! I wasn’t even sure if we would ever hear his voice, but he gently cried sweet tears and “talked” to us. In fact, every time daddy stroked or kissed John’s cheek, he made the sweetest little “cooing”…it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard! We got to hug him, kiss him, pray for him, and sing a few songs to him. John was so content cuddling with me on my chest, it was so perfect! I just thank The Lord for the sweet time we had with him in the delivery room.
John also exceeded expectations again because his sweet little heart kept beating as we left the delivery room and made our way back to the recovery room. We were blessed to have another 30+ minutes with John alive…and Drew got to meet his little brother. John got to meet David’s parents (Mimi and Pop Pop), Aunt Laura, Uncle “Bubba”, and Aunt Candie as well. After he passed away, David and sweet nurse Cathy, gave John his first bath and dressed him in the clothes that we had specially monogrammed for him. It was sweet to watch our family get to love on John…I will treasure that memory.
After his bath and some photos, we were then taken to a our room on a special floor so that we could have more time with John. During those hours, John was baptized by Brian Maxwell and got to meet my parents (Dede and Grumps), Uncle Jon, and Aunt Jessica. Another one of my favorite memories of the hospital was watching Dede rock our sweet boy…the joy and peace in that moment was so beautiful.
Letting John Tate physically “go” was the hardest thing we have ever had to do. We were so thankful that our good friends Terry and Chad Pendley personally came to the hospital to get John and take him for us. My sister also got to walk John down to the car with Terry and Chad…she later told me that Chad was gently rocking John while he was carrying him. I cannot tell you how much it means to me to know that John was treated so sweetly and that he not only had people who we trust carrying him, but that he had a family member with him as well. It makes my heart happy to know this.
While it meant so much to us to know that John was in the arms of people who cared about him and us, when David handed John to Chad, I just lost it. Shortly thereafter, both David and I were crying uncontrollably on the hospital bed…like out of control, worse than either of us ever had…
David felt that he needed to pray, but he was so upset he didn't know what to pray, so he just prayed, “give us peace, give us peace.”
Miraculously, we both calmed down immediately after he prayed and at the same time. That was a total “God thing”. It was amazing and we felt God’s presence in a way that we never had in the very moment when we needed it most. He was taking care of us yet again, and He has continued to take care of us in the difficult weeks that have followed John’s birth. As Terry said to us, John is not “gone” he is just “waiting to see us again.”
I cannot wait to see that little angel in heaven!
DAVID:
The past six months have been the hardest six months or our lives, but in so many ways, they have also been the most precious six months. Through the life of Baby John, Brittney and I have been blessed in so many ways.
One significant blessing to me, in addition to those which we have already mentioned, is having had the ability to see first-hand the incredible strength, faith, and love of Brittney for our son and for the Lord. I have never seen someone be so steadfast in their faith in the Lord or their love for another human being. Brittney loved Baby John with every fiber of her being and she protected and cared for him in such a precious way for every moment that she had the opportunity to do so. Brittney, I love you with all of my heart, and I am so thankful to God has He has blessed me with the opportunity to be your husband and has allowed you to be the mother of our children.
Another incredible blessing is that we have experienced, in a real and powerful way that God is a “promise maker” and He is a “promise keeper.” As we have seen God keep His promises to us in the midst of this journey, our faith has increased immeasurably. His presence and strength in the midst of this trial is confirmation of our ability to claim His promises to us. In the midst of the lowest of lows, He has been faithful to us.
God’s faithfulness, presence, and provision of strength in the moments when we most needed it gives us a renewed and reinforced confidence in the veracity of His promises to us about Heaven…the very Heaven in which our sweet baby boy now has a healed body and is relishing in the presence of the Lord until we have the chance to be with him again.
It is our hope and prayer that none of you in this room ever have to go through something like this, but even if your trials are different than ours, we will all have trials in our lives. Absent the hope, strength, and peace that comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ, the trials of life can be devastating and can quickly lead to despair.
When everything seems to be going good in life, you may not notice your need for Him, but when the waves of life begin to crash, only He can provide true calm in the midst of the storm. One of His promises is that if you seek Him, you will find Him. If you don’t know Christ, I would encourage you to seek Him. If you do know Christ, but haven’t been taking full advantage of the strength, clarity and blessings that a relationship with Him can afford, I would encourage you to reconnect with Him. Especially as a result of His presence with us through this experience, I know with absolute certainty that what the Bible says about Him is true and, through Christ, we are never alone.