Journey Through Bereavement

One thing that has been very important to me and something I have struggled with during our journey with Baby John has been “what was God’s purpose for allowing this to happen”…I fully accepted that the Lord had a plan, but, naturally, I wanted to see His plan unfold.  I also have been willing to accept that maybe we wouldn't know His plan until we are in Heaven.  But, the Lord has been so gracious in showing us glimpses of His plan through the Journey Through Bereavement program at WellStar.  John’s short and precious life has had and will continue to have such meaning and we will be able to “pay it forward” to other families who are or will be suffering the loss of a baby before birth or shortly after.  We are honored to help provide hands-on support and encouragement to families experiencing challenges similar to those we experienced during our journey with Baby John.

Most hospitals around the country do not have programs to help families prepare for and make the most of their time with the babies with life limiting conditions.  WellStar, on the other hand, has been quick to acknowledge the need for such a program and it is so meaningful to be playing a small part in developing a cutting-edge program that can make such a positive impact on families experiencing some of the most precious, yet difficult, times of their lives.  It is also so meaningful to us that the initials of the program “JTB” are the same initials of our sweet little John Tate Bottoms.

David, Nurse Cathy, and I had the honor and privilege of speaking to 1,000 of WellStar’s managers and executives during their annual Leadership Day event a few weeks ago.  We had the chance to talk about our experience and how WellStar helped us make the most of our time with John.  We were also able to share about the Journey Through Bereavement program which WellStar will, in time, be rolling out to all of their delivering hospitals.

WellStar also featured our story in their 2016 Annual Report, and we thought you all might like to see the text of the story (below) and the sweet logo for the Journey Through Bereavement Program.

“When Brittney and David Bottoms of Marietta learned that the baby Brittney was carrying had the life-limiting genetic abnormality Trisomy 13, there was no doubt that they would continue the pregnancy. From that point, about 13 weeks in, they focused their loving attention on how to welcome baby John Tate into the world, knowing he might not live past the moment of birth.  The Bottoms, parents of then-three-year-old Drew, were introduced to Cathy Jones, a nurse educator at WellStar Kennestone Hospital.  Cathy is experienced in helping families like the Bottoms. She agreed to coach the couple through the rest of the pregnancy and John’s birth. She walked them through many difficult decisions. And she insisted they call her—no matter what time of day or night—when it was time.

When Brittney arrived at the hospital around 2 a.m. on May 31, 2015, the entire labor and delivery team treated her “with incredible care and kindness.” Cathy had just returned from vacation and rushed to the hospital. “Cathy was our guardian angel. She stayed with me, prayed with me and comforted me.” Brittney’s birth plan called for a C-section to give the family the best chance of meeting John Tate alive. Despite the hour, many family members crowded into the surgical suite to hear Baby John’s first cries, shower him with love and capture it all on video and in photos.

For two hours, John Tate was cuddled, celebrated and prayed over. And then his precious life was over. But the Bottoms’ story lives on. To honor John’s life and to recognize Cathy Jones, Brittney and David made a generous donation to the WellStar Foundation. After much thought they chose to establish Journey Through Bereavement. The program will provide hands-on support to parents going through similar challenges. And it will offer training and encouragement for caregivers and clinicians. The program’s initials, JTB, also are those of John Tate Bottoms.  Adds David, “We want to help create a standard of care so people can have the kind of experience Cathy provided us. The time you have in the hospital is your only time with your child, so it has to be as perfect as possible, with no regrets.”

God is good!

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Honoring John Tate by serving others...

Back in March of 2015, we were anticipating the birth of our son, John Tate.  He was diagnosed with Trisomy 13 just a couple of months before and, with that prognosis, we knew that his path to birth was going to be very fragile.  There were so many details that we would have to plan ahead, difficult decisions we would have to make, and a knowledge that, even with the best laid plans, there was much we could not control.

As I referenced in my post on March 16th, 2016, we were blessed to meet Nurse Cathy who walked alongside us throughout our pregnancy with John and ensured that our experience with John in the hospital was the very best that it could be.

As a result of that experience, David and I felt led to pursue the potential of developing a formal program at WellStar to provide resources and support to families walking similar paths.  We had initial conversations with the WellStar team regarding the potential for a perinatal bereavement and palliative care program in the months that followed John’s birth and found that they were very receptive to the idea.

Then, in November 2015, a dear friend of ours unexpectedly lost her newborn daughter shortly after birth.  This hit very close to home for us and confirmed for us that such a program was very much needed and could provide incredible support, encouragement and love to other families walking the complex path of joy and grief as they meet and all too quickly say goodbye to their newborn children.

The initial working group for this idea, which included team members of the WellStar Foundation, a WellStar chaplain, Nurse Cathy, and myself, met multiple times to discuss the details of developing a program of this kind.  The working group asked that it be named in honor of John, since his precious, yet brief, life was the impetus for starting this program.  David and I were charged with coming up with the name, which was a big task!  

I began doing research on other programs offered around the country, and I kept a list of words that were meaningful and spoke to the overall purpose of the program.  One of the words that I listed was “Journey”.  That word meant so much to us, as it was the title of our website where we chronicled our “Journey with Baby John”.  David and I were driving back from Big Canoe and I was doing more research on my phone.  I decided to put my phone down and just pray to the Lord that He would give me the name for this program.  I wanted to honor John, but I didn’t want it to be named “The John Tate Bottoms Memorial blah blah”…that didn’t speak to the purpose of the program and I felt very strongly that the name needed to do that.  

I literally closed my eyes and asked the Lord to give me the name.  I opened my eyes, looked at David, and just said “Journey Through Bereavement”.  He said, “oh, I like that, it’s really good!”…I then said “the initials are JTB!!” …John’s initials!  It was such a gift from God!  The name speaks to the purpose of the program, but it also subtly honors our boy.  That is the first time in my life, that I can recall, where the Lord INSTANTLY answered my prayer!

In the months that have followed, and as a result of incredible support and partnership of WellStar, friends, and other families who have experienced the loss of children, WellStar Kennestone Hospital is now piloting its “Journey Through Bereavement” (JTB) program.

Just as Nurse Cathy worked within WellStar to help ensure that our experience with John was the very best that it could be, the “Journey Through Bereavement” program will help other families plan ahead as much as possible and, regardless of the situation, ensure that they are able to cherish every moment they have with their child so that they can look back on their child’s birth with a sense of joy and a contentment based in the knowledge that they were able to make the most of the time that they had together.

While we are so thankful that the “Journey Through Bereavement” program is allowing us to honor John’s life, it is also our hope that families who are involved in the development of the program and those that benefit from its services will find it to be a worthy way for them to honor the lives of their children. 

Nurse Cathy

As many of you know, during our journey with Baby John we were blessed to cross paths with an amazing nurse at WellStar Kennestone Hospital named Cathy Jones.  

Cathy personally helped us to prepare to meet John, prayed with me right before my C-Section, and even took pictures and videos for us in the operating room so that we could make the most of every moment that we had with John.  We are so excited that, as a result of her amazing care for us, Cathy has been recently recognized as one of the AJC’s Top 10 Nurses of the Year and as the WellStar Health System “Rockstar Caregiver of the Year.” 

Here is a video that the AJC developed chronicling Cathy’s care for us…she is a tremendous person and we will always treasure the impact that she had on our lives.

http://www.ajc.com/videos/business/employment/04-cathy-5_4/vDqmKD/

And here is text of the story that ran in the AJC:

“Having a baby is so often a joyous time for the expectant parents, but when the news is not good, no words can describe the anguish. However, thanks to the compassion and understanding of WellStar Kennestone’s Cathy Jones one young family found comfort, constant support and closure.  ‘The couple’s news from the perinatologist was not good,’ said Jones, who’s been an OB nurse for nearly 25 years. ‘Even though they knew they’d have only a short time with their newborn son, they decided to go ahead with the delivery. I knew that we could do as much as possible to help and support them through this difficult time.’ 

Jones contacted the parents and kept in close touch with them through the remainder of the pregnancy. She developed a plan to honor their wishes so that they could maximize their time with their newborn son while keeping him comfortable. She advocated with the hospital administration to be present at the birth, even though she was not the nurse on the case. 

‘The patient went into labor during the night and I came in right away. Everyone on the team knew the plan was to immediately put the baby on Mom’s chest and give the couple as much time as they needed. At a time like this, there are no rules.’ What Jones does not mention is that she was on vacation when she was called, according to her colleague and nominator Mary Hunicutt.

With their permission, Jones used their phone and took video and photos while the parents gave their son his first bath and said goodbye. ‘God used this experience to allow the parents to celebrate the beauty of their son’s brief life.’ Jones continues to stay in touch with the couple, who have since created a fund in their son’s name to create the hospital’s ‘Journey through Bereavement’ program that helps other families cope with similar situations.’

Hunicutt adds, ‘Cathy is an exceptional employee but she is really an exceptional person. Cathy sees her work as an extension of her faith and she treats every patient with dignity, respect, and compassion … she touched the life of this family in a special way that they will always remember, and I am very honored to work side by side with her.’”

A Treasured Photo- January 15, 2016

One year ago, we were able to get the best ultrasound photo of our sweet baby John.  This photo was taken just before I had an amniocentesis to confirm John's diagnosis of Trisomy 13.

We treasure this photo because we did not receive many photos during our monthly, then weekly, appointments.  We also treasure this photo because it is a reminder that God really does perform miracles, they just aren't always what we expect.

John's miracle was not in his complete healing here on earth, it was in beating all the odds by continuing to grow week after week and on May 31st, 2015 being born into this world alive (which is what we prayed for the entire pregnancy).

We were so blessed to meet our boy, hear his precious voice, and feel the warmth of his body on ours.  We were blessed to welcome him into this world and love on him for every second he was alive.  John was in my arms or David's arms for two hours before he was carried to his eternal home and we will cherish that memory forever.

We are so thankful for our family, friends, and community who prayed us through and who I know continue to pray for us.

"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:26

New Year's Eve Reflections

New Year’s Eve is a day for reflections.  For us, New Year’s Eve will forever be remembered as the day on which we learned that we were having a second little boy (John Tate) and that he had Trisomy 13.  Today also marks 7 months since we have held our little angel in our arms 💙

While, on the one hand, our reflections of 2015 are tinged with sadness in light of John’s birth and passing on May 31st, 2015, we also will forever remember 2015 as a year of blessings.  John Tate was, first and foremost, an incredible blessing to us.  God, through John, taught us so much about love and life.  The depth of our experience with John has also allowed us to better grasp the character of God and enabled us to better recognize and appreciate the blessings in our lives.  

In particular, we have seen first hand that He never leaves us or forsakes us...

We are also so thankful for our friends.  We have been blessed beyond measure by wonderful friends who genuinely care for us, pray for us, and have been there for us in the times that we needed it most.  Just knowing that we are being remembered and specifically knowing that we are being prayed for means so much…and it makes a difference.

During John’s Memorial Service, Brittney and I shared some “Reflections”.  We have been meaning to post the text of our comments for months.  It seems appropriate to post the text of our remarks this afternoon as we look back on the blessings of 2015 and forward to the blessings that 2016 will hold for us.  Thank you for continuing to follow us on our Journey…we love you all!

~David

—

John Tate Bottoms Memorial Service

June 23, 2015

Reflections by David & Brittney Bottoms

DAVID:

Thank you all for taking the time to be with us this morning to celebrate the beautiful life of our sweet baby boy.  You are all special to us and your prayers and encouragement today, and throughout the past six months, have meant so much to both Brittney and me.  

Our journey with Baby John was a precious one and we are so thankful for the fact that God blessed us with him as our son.  The path has not played out the way that we would have scripted it, but we have seen that, even in the midst of apparent tragedy, God is good and He is working.  He has taken care of us, He has taken care of John, and He has taught us so much and drawn us so much closer to Him.  We are incredibly thankful for that and for the blessings of this experience.

Our journey with Baby John took a turn we weren’t expecting on December 21st, 2014.  Following an ultrasound, the doctor told us that he thought there was a high probability that “something major” was wrong with our baby.  Knowing that God was in this, but not knowing how things would play out, I wrote John a letter which I planned to read to him when he was old enough to understand it in the hopes that He would see God’s hand in his life.  Obviously, I never had a chance to read it to John, but I will read it to you:

“Dear Child:

It is Christmas Eve 2014 and I have been thinking about you a lot over these past few weeks.  Your mom and I are so thankful to God for blessing us with the promise of a child, and we can’t wait to meet you.  

Earlier this week, we went to the doctor in hopes of finding out if you are a boy or a girl…you were laying on your belly and wouldn’t roll over, so we still don’t know.  We did get to see your little body, head, and one of your hands…it was so precious to see you.

The doctor told us that there is a 20% chance that you are very sick.  While it makes me really sad to think that you might be sick, I want you to know that, even as I write this note without knowing whether you will or will not be healthy when you are born, I want you to know that I love you with all of my heart.  In fact, this week has made me, more than anything, very excited to meet you, hug you, and welcome you into our family.  I haven’t even met you yet, but I love you so much!

You are a child of God and He is knitting you together right now in your mother’s womb.  He promises in Psalm 139 that He has numbered every one of your days and that He thinks of you so often that if you were to count up the number of times God thinks of you it would be a number bigger than the number of sands on the shore.  You are loved and our love for you is not conditioned on your health, ability, strength, or performance.  

We love you because you are a Child of God…a precious gift of God who will grow up to know of His goodness and His love for you.  Your mom and I commit to doing everything that we can to raise you such that you know the Lord, love the Lord, and allow Him to use you for His glory.  There is no higher calling than to be used by God, and He has the ability to use you whether you are healthy or sick.  

We worship a powerful God, and you are being introduced into the world having been bathed in prayer by people who love you.  God has big plans for you…I love you, little angel.  I can’t wait to meet you.

Dad”

On New Year’s Eve, when we received the call that our child, who we soon thereafter learned was a baby boy, had Trisomy 13, our hearts sank and our heads spun.  In that moment, I experienced the most raw and clear realization of my human weakness that I have ever felt.  There was absolutely nothing that I could do to change the outcome for our son.

After knowing John’s prognosis, and on initial reflection upon the letter which I wrote him (which I now knew I would never get to read him), I thought “well, God didn’t work out that miracle I was hoping for.”  Then, the more I thought about it, I realized that God was working incredible miracles through John’s life and He was using Baby John’s life to do a lot of good, not in spite of the fact that John was sick, but especially because he was.

We have seen firsthand that what the Bible says is true…God is a “promisemaker” and He is a “promisekeeper.”  God never promised us easy lives, healthy children, or a carefree existence, but He did promise to “never leave us or forsake us”.  He promised to “work all things together for the good of those who love Him and are called according to His purpose.”  He promised to provide a “peace that surpasses all understanding.”  He promised us that if we rely on Him, He will give us the strength that we need...we have experienced (and continue to experience) His faithful performance on the basis of those promises and we so thankful to Him.

BRITTNEY:

I also want to thank God for the gift of our sweet baby boy, John Tate.  The odds of him making it to birth were stacked against him…he was special, he was one in 16,000.  He should have passed away even before he was born, as 95% of all babies with Trisomy 13 do in the first trimester of pregnancy, but he didn’t…he kept growing, kept kicking, and kept making his presence known to us.  He pretty much stayed in the same position for most of my pregnancy, but I could feel his every move…his sweet little head nudged up under my right ribs, his little feet kicking me on my upper left side, and his little bottom pushing down on my bladder constantly.  We were so blessed to be able to feel him for the last couple of months of my pregnancy…even Drew could kiss him on the head and feel his kicks…that was so special for us.  I really miss the feeling of carrying John Tate, safe in my belly…I wish I could have kept him there forever.

We, as a family and a community, committed John Tate to The Lord and we prayed that he would continue to grow inside of me and make it to be born alive.  The Lord was faithful and answered our biggest prayer when our boy was born on Sunday May 31st, 2015 at 4:44 AM.  He was faithful to answer our prayer that the time we were allowed with John would be precious and perfect.  Our time with John in the hospital was so beautiful and peaceful, and that could only be because The Lord orchestrated that.  

We continue to have reminders from God that:

1. His ways are greater than my ways (John 3:30- He must increase, but I must decrease)

2. His plans are greater than my plans (Romans 8:28- And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose)

I truly believe that His ways are greater than my ways and His plans are greater than my plans, but sometimes that is hard to handle (especially when you are a “slight” control freaks like we are!).  There were so many ways that The Lord was telling us He was in control, but one way that really sticks out in my mind is how He mercifully chose John Tate’s birthday for us.  All along, we were told that it would be best to elect to have John Tate early, that it would increase the likelihood that we would meet our boy alive.  

I never felt comfortable choosing his birthday, let alone choosing to have him so much earlier than you would normally have a baby.  This bothered me so much and I stressed over it.  I remember telling Connie Mussleman that it bothered me, and I will never forget what she told me: “God will make it clear when you are supposed to have John”…boy, was she right!  I just thought that He might give me some peace about choosing John’s birthday, I didn’t expect that He would take this worry out of our hands by having my water break.  What a sweet and merciful God. 

I know I would have tortured myself after John was born and had passed if this hadn’t happened…did we choose to have him too early?  What if we had waited another week?  The Lord took that off of our plate and chose May 31st as John’s special day.  

As He had been all along, He made sure that the “right people” were in the “right place” at the “right time”.  Even though John Tate was born in the middle of the night, 5 days before his scheduled C-Section, everything we had “planned” for that day pretty much fell into place…and despite the fact that the photographer we had lined up wasn't able to make it to the hospital to take pictures, we have over 700 photos and many, many precious videos of our boy while he was alive and after he passed thanks to my sister, Candie, and a very special nurse from WellStar named Cathy.  

Cathy was a great example of God’s provision of the right people at the right time…she had been guiding us through our pregnancy since February by helping us wisely make difficult decisions as part of John’s “birth plan.”  The fact that she answered my phone call at 2:50am on a Sunday morning to come to the hospital to guide us through the morning was absolutely amazing, and such a blessing.  

In addition to helping us throughout the morning, she prayed over me before they gave me my spinal anesthesia (since David couldn't be in the room with me then) and she captured John’s living moments on video while in the delivery room.  She also made sure that everything at the hospital was arranged so that we could spend as many precious moments with John as possible with as little distractions as possible.  There was nothing chaotic about the morning, it was all seamless and so beautiful.

I want to tell you a little bit about sweet John Tate.  He was the most beautiful baby!  I still cannot believe that he weighed 4 pounds 14 ounces even though he was born 35 weeks into the pregnancy!  Most babies diagnosed with Trisomy 13 are born much smaller…so I thanked God in the delivery room for our chubby little boy!  His cheeks were so round and soft…and his little nose was so sweet…he looked a lot like his big brother, Drew. 

He had SO MUCH hair!  Drew was born bald, but John Tate had a nearly full head of brown, wavy hair (like his daddy!).  One of my very favorite photos is of the back of his head and you can see all of his beautiful hair.  

John was delivered and given to me right away, and very soon after they put him on my chest and covered him with warm blankets, he started crying!  I wasn’t even sure if we would ever hear his voice, but he gently cried sweet tears and “talked” to us.  In fact, every time daddy stroked or kissed John’s cheek, he made the sweetest little “cooing”…it was the most beautiful sound I have ever heard!  We got to hug him, kiss him, pray for him, and sing a few songs to him.  John was so content cuddling with me on my chest, it was so perfect!  I just thank The Lord for the sweet time we had with him in the delivery room.  

John also exceeded expectations again because his sweet little heart kept beating as we left the delivery room and made our way back to the recovery room.  We were blessed to have another 30+ minutes with John alive…and Drew got to meet his little brother.  John got to meet David’s parents (Mimi and Pop Pop), Aunt Laura, Uncle “Bubba”, and Aunt Candie as well.  After he passed away, David and sweet nurse Cathy, gave John his first bath and dressed him in the clothes that we had specially monogrammed for him.  It was sweet to watch our family get to love on John…I will treasure that memory.

After his bath and some photos, we were then taken to a our room on a special floor so that we could have more time with John.  During those hours, John was baptized by Brian Maxwell and got to meet my parents (Dede and Grumps), Uncle Jon, and Aunt Jessica.  Another one of my favorite memories of the hospital was watching Dede rock our sweet boy…the joy and peace in that moment was so beautiful.

Letting John Tate physically “go” was the hardest thing we have ever had to do.  We were so thankful that our good friends Terry and Chad Pendley personally came to the hospital to get John and take him for us.  My sister also got to walk John down to the car with Terry and Chad…she later told me that Chad was gently rocking John while he was carrying him.  I cannot tell you how much it means to me to know that John was treated so sweetly and that he not only had people who we trust carrying him, but that he had a family member with him as well.  It makes my heart happy to know this.

While it meant so much to us to know that John was in the arms of people who cared about him and us, when David handed John to Chad, I just lost it.  Shortly thereafter, both David and I were crying uncontrollably on the hospital bed…like out of control, worse than either of us ever had…

David felt that he needed to pray, but he was so upset he didn't know what to pray, so he just prayed, “give us peace, give us peace.”  

Miraculously, we both calmed down immediately after he prayed and at the same time.  That was a total “God thing”.  It was amazing and we felt God’s presence in a way that we never had in the very moment when we needed it most.  He was taking care of us yet again, and He has continued to take care of us in the difficult weeks that have followed John’s birth.  As Terry said to us, John is not “gone” he is just “waiting to see us again.”  

I cannot wait to see that little angel in heaven!

DAVID:

The past six months have been the hardest six months or our lives, but in so many ways, they have also been the most precious six months.  Through the life of Baby John, Brittney and I have been blessed in so many ways.  

One significant blessing to me, in addition to those which we have already mentioned, is having had the ability to see first-hand the incredible strength, faith, and love of Brittney for our son and for the Lord.  I have never seen someone be so steadfast in their faith in the Lord or their love for another human being.  Brittney loved Baby John with every fiber of her being and she protected and cared for him in such a precious way for every moment that she had the opportunity to do so.  Brittney, I love you with all of my heart, and I am so thankful to God has He has blessed me with the opportunity to be your husband and has allowed you to be the mother of our children.

Another incredible blessing is that we have experienced, in a real and powerful way that God is a “promise maker” and He is a “promise keeper.”  As we have seen God keep His promises to us in the midst of this journey, our faith has increased immeasurably.  His presence and strength in the midst of this trial is confirmation of our ability to claim His promises to us.  In the midst of the lowest of lows, He has been faithful to us.  

God’s faithfulness, presence, and provision of strength in the moments when we most needed it gives us a renewed and reinforced confidence in the veracity of His promises to us about Heaven…the very Heaven in which our sweet baby boy now has a healed body and is relishing in the presence of the Lord until we have the chance to be with him again.

It is our hope and prayer that none of you in this room ever have to go through something like this, but even if your trials are different than ours, we will all have trials in our lives.  Absent the hope, strength, and peace that comes through a relationship with Jesus Christ, the trials of life can be devastating and can quickly lead to despair.  

When everything seems to be going good in life, you may not notice your need for Him, but when the waves of life begin to crash, only He can provide true calm in the midst of the storm.  One of His promises is that if you seek Him, you will find Him.  If you don’t know Christ, I would encourage you to seek Him.  If you do know Christ, but haven’t been taking full advantage of the strength, clarity and blessings that a relationship with Him can afford, I would encourage you to reconnect with Him.  Especially as a result of His presence with us through this experience, I know with absolute certainty that what the Bible says about Him is true and, through Christ, we are never alone.

John Tate's Memorial Service

Thank you all so much for your kind words, messages, cards, gifts, meals, love, and prayers over the last two and a half weeks.  While this time has been incredibly difficult, it has also been a beautiful time during which we have been able to reflect on our time with our sweet boy, John Tate. Our family, friends, community, and church have done so much to help us through this time in our life, and we are forever grateful for all of you.

In the next few weeks, I will write an update telling you more about the sweet time we had with our boy in the hospital...The Lord made it so perfect and beautiful.  John Tate was a sweet little angel and so beautiful...we miss him more than words can describe.

We wanted to let you all know that we will be having a Memorial Service for John Tate.  The details are below and it is open to whomever wants to attend.  

Celebration of the Life of John Tate Bottoms
Tuesday June 23rd, 2015
10:30AM
The Church of the Apostles
3585 Northside Parkway, NW
Atlanta, Georgia 30327

A reception will follow at the Church

Sweet Baby John's Obituary

Sweet Baby John's obituary...lovingly written by his father, David Bottoms...

John Tate Bottoms passed away shortly after birth on Sunday, May 31st, 2015. Although his life on earth was short, Baby John was an incredible blessing to his family, and to many others, who had cherished him from the moment that he began to be fearfully and wonderfully made in his mother’s womb. The journey with Baby John was not easy, but it was indescribably beautiful. Baby John beat all odds to be born alive and his family is so thankful to have had the opportunity to hug him, sing to him, and hear his sweet voice before he peacefully went into the arms of Jesus. An online journal chronicling John’s life and his impact can be found at www.thebottomsfamily.com. Baby John is survived by his mother and father, Brittney & David Bottoms of Marietta, GA; brother, Drew Bottoms; grandparents, Gary & Melissa Bottoms of Marietta, GA and Tom & Dale Wright of Hilton Head, SC; great grandparents, Leland & Betty Chambers of Kennesaw, GA; aunts & uncles, Jonathan & Jessica Bottoms of Marietta, GA, Bryan and Laura Higginbotham of Marietta, GA, and Kendall & Candie Perry of Cleveland, TN. A memorial service in celebration of John’s life will be held on Tuesday, June 23rd at The Church of the Apostles, located at 3585 Northside Parkway NW, Atlanta, GA 30327 at 10:30AM. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Cobb Community Foundation in care of the “John Tate Bottoms Memorial Fund” or to Cobb Pregnancy Services.

Read more:  The Marietta Daily Journal

Happy Birthday, John Tate!

Dear Friends,

Our sweet little boy, John Tate Bottoms, was born at 4:44AM.  We were so blessed to be able to meet John, hug him, sing to him, and hear his sweet little voice.

John weighed in at 4 pounds 14 ounces and he was 18.5 inches long.  He was so beautiful!

He very peacefully went to be with Jesus at 6:35AM.  He is now a lot healthier and happier than any of us will ever be this side of heaven.  We so thankful to know that he is safely in the arms of God, and we look forward to meeting John again.  What a blessing it is to know that.  To God be the Glory!

David & Brittney

May 11th, 2015

Mother’s Day 2015- 32 weeks 3 days

This Mother’s Day was so special for me.  This was the first and only time that I will have both of my sweet boys physically with me to celebrate.  David, Drew, and John made the weekend so special for me…honestly, I just felt over-whelmed by it all!  Then, my family and friends made me feel so special too…their cards, messages, and emails were so sweet and kind!  It was really neat to be remembered by so many people…I am beyond blessed!

Even though it was a wonderful weekend, it was also a very emotional weekend.  When it hit me that this would be the only Mother’s Day where both of my boys would be alive, I just kind of lost it.  It was such a hard, yet sweet realization…I want to cherish every moment I have with both of the boys…from kicks and hiccups from John, to the cuddles, kisses, and big hugs from Drew.  One of the sweetest things about this weekend was how when Drew and David gave me my Mother’s Day presents and cards, I told Drew that he and Daddy had made my Mother’s Day the most special ever- he corrected me and said “no Mommy…Daddy, Drew, and JOHN made your day special!”

Drew talks about John a good bit and he is already being such a good big brother by including him in things like Mother’s Day.  He talks about how he wants to share his toys with John and how he is going to teach him how to play with his toys.  He also sings “You are My Sunshine” to him every night while putting his hand on my belly.  Drew is really getting a kick out of feeling John move and how he can feel his head right under my ribs!  He comes up and gives my belly a hug and tells me he is “hugging baby John” or giving him a kiss…it just melts my heart!  It makes me so happy yet so profoundly sad at the same time.  I so wish I could watch them grow up together and go through all of the things that brothers go through together…but The Lord has other plans for our boys.  I am comforted by that, but it doesn’t always make it easier.

Physically, I am doing well…I feel like an “oompa loompa” and I get tired a little more easily, but overall I feel good.  Our appointments have been good and John is really doing well inside of me.  He got his first “perfect” test score (LOL!)….an 8/8 on the “Biophysical Profile” that they perform at the Perinatologist.  We were so pleased to know that he is doing well and that his growth is only a couple of weeks behind where it should be at this point.  As of last week, he was weighing in at 3 lbs 3 ounces!  We are hoping he will be closer to 5 lbs when he is born, but we aren’t sure if that will happen.  The nurse practitioner told me to make sure I’m eating and drinking enough (one would think so!).  My OB told me to sit in a pool a couple of hours a day if I could to help with my decreased amniotic fluid (ummm…OK! LOL!).  Never thought I would be given the green light to eat more and just hang out in the pool!  I’ll try my best ;-)

A lot has happened since I wrote the last update.  We now have John’s birthday- Thursday June 4th, 2015.  I will have a C-Section to deliver him.  We are delivering him early so that we have a better chance of meeting him alive and spending as much time as possible with him.  We are really looking forward to meeting John and holding him in our arms in less than 4 weeks, but we are also apprehensive because we know what his prognosis is.  We don’t know exactly what our time at the hospital will look like, but we know that The Lord is in control of that time and He will make it so peaceful and special…we believe that and trust that!

We have also been working on plans for John’s memorial service.  I tell you what, that is something I NEVER thought I would have to do for one of my children.  We are so blessed by the pastors and staff at Church of the Apostles; not only are they helping us plan his memorial, they are praying for us CONSTANTLY!  We know that if we need any kind of support, we can call up or email the pastors or staff at our church and they will be there for us…what an amazing blessing!  

We are so supported, loved, and prayed over by so many…and we feel the peace that comes from that.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts…words cannot express how grateful we are.

"And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" -Philippians 4:7

April 10th, 2015

This has been a tough week.  We met with a Labor and Delivery Bereavement Nurse this past Monday.  We knew that this was going to be a tough appointment because of the content.  The purpose of the meeting was to discuss our “wishes” for John as well as learn what the hospital will be able to do for us to help us have as much time with John as possible.  

The appointment was surreal.  We had to address things that we never thought we would have to think about.  We never thought we would have to plan for the impending death of our child.  When people would talk about someone they knew losing a child or a baby, I just never understood how the parents could endure such a thing and still go on with life.  I knew that they would have to, but I just couldn’t fathom “how”.  Well, now, we are going to be those people.  And, I know how we are going to make it through…our faith in The Lord.

I am so thankful for my Lord.  I know that he will carry us through, just as He has been this whole time.  We have prayed that He will put people in our life at the appropriate time during our journey, and He has been faithful.  It seems that The Lord is keeping us on a “schedule” and not letting us get too far ahead of ourselves with details, appointments, or meeting people.  He just provides for us at the right time.  

While we are comforted by The Lord everyday and we know His promises, it doesn’t necessarily make things easier all the time.  We struggle…everyday.  Some days are better than others, but some days- like this week in particular- have been so difficult.  We are learning that we need to have Grace with ourselves in the way we are handing day to day.  We feel like we are failing everyday.  We feel like we should be handling everything better and we get mad at ourselves because of that.  Then, I remember what my mother told me…”we set the bar high”…we expect a lot out of ourselves and we need to give ourselves some leeway.  We are also learning to have Grace with other people as well.  A dear friend asked me if I feel like I have stepped off the merry-go-round and I’m standing still while the rest of the world is still going around…this is ABSOLUTELY how I feel.  

John is an active little guy.  He is kicking me all the time and making his presence known!  We learned on Wednesday that he weighs in at 2 pounds 6 ounces…and it feels like it!  We also learned some other details about his heart condition as well as his kidney function.  I learned that my amniotic fluid is on the low-end of normal, the doctor didn’t seem concerned, but I am honestly a little worried.  I will see the perinatologist again in 4 weeks and then I will see him every week after that until we deliver.  They are going to closely monitor John and let us know if he is struggling or if his environment looks like it is deteriorating.  If either of those things happen, we will deliver him as soon as possible so that we can meet him and try to avoid “intrauterine demise”.  It is possible that could still happen with no warning, but we will keep praying that John stays as healthy and happy as possible in my belly until his delivery date.

We are so thankful for our family and friends who have been with us each step of the way.  The calls, texts and notes have been so encouraging and make us feel so loved.

March 16th, 2015

25 weeks pregnant

This has been a very hard update for David and me to write.  The past few weeks could best be described as a time of “information overload.”  Every doctor’s appointment is full of so much detail and such heavy material. 

We met with our OB on March 4th which was about three weeks since our last doctor’s appointment, an appointment which was encouraging (see update on 2/15/15).  We had allowed ourselves to start to think (and hope) that we might have more time with John.  We had heard of some babies with Trismony 13 who were 2 years old, and older.  We had allowed ourselves to start to think of things that having extra time with John would mean (decorating a nursery, being able to have him come home, etc.).  Unfortunately, at our appointment on March 4th, we were told to expect, at best, a week with John.  This was devastating news for us. 

Then, last week we met with a new perinatologist who performed the most in-depth ultrasound we have had.  He was able to get a closer look at things and, as he explained John’s “complex heart condition” combined with all of the other complications of Trisomy 13, he told us that our time with John would be “very short.”  

David asked him point blank whether "short" meant "weeks, days, or hours”?  He responded “hours.”  We appreciated his honestly and his delivery, but it is amazing how quickly the previous doctor’s comment that we might have a week with John seemed like “good news.”  

Despite this hard news, and the challenges we are having to accept that all of this is really happening, we can still sense God’s goodness in so many ways.  One of our constant prayers has been that The Lord will put people in our lives at the right time for our journey.  I believe that He is answering that prayer by giving us the discernment to know who to talk to, and at what time to talk with them, during this journey. 

For instance, last week I was blessed to meet with a woman who just gave birth and lost her daughter to Trisomy 18.  I cannot tell you how thankful I am to have the chance to meet with her when I did.  She was so helpful and encouraging to me…and her story is such an inspiration to me.  She has a very deep and strong faith that carried her through her pregnancy and it has continued to carry her and her family through what has been, no doubt, the most difficult experience of their lives.  She was gracious enough to not only share her story and their path with me, but also listen to me and what we have gone through. 

In light of the prognosis for John, we feel like it is time for us to start thinking through a lot of details that we were hoping we could delay discussing.  As a first step, I reached out to the nurse at my doctor’s office to see if there was anyone at Kennestone Hospital that we could meet with to talk about our birth plan and meeting with a neonatologist.

The sweet nurse at our OB’s office called me back the same day I called her and she got me in touch with a “Labor and Delivery Bereavement Education” nurse at Kennestone.  The nurse took my call the same day and spent more than an hour on the phone with me discussing some of the decisions that we will have to make on John’s behalf as well as what the hospital will provide for our family in the way of care when we are there for delivery.  It felt so good to talk to her because I could at least think a little bit ahead and start to think about the future a little bit more…even though I do not want to get too far ahead of myself.  

One of the most consistent blessings throughout all of this has been the ever-present support, encouragement and love of our family and friends.  Each note or message checking on us, each phone call, each dinner, and even the willingness to allow me to ramble on the phone about how I am feeling on any particular day is a blessing that both David and I continue to experience as we walk along this path that God has laid before us.  Even your willingness to read this far in my rambling update means the world to me.  :-)

For now, we are trying to make the most of each moment that we have with John.  He is kicking all the time now- even to the point where I can see my belly moving and David can feel him!  With each kick and movement, I am reminded of the love that I have for John and the blessing that he is in our lives…even in the midst of all of the sadness that runs parallel to the joy of those moments.

Without a doubt, God continues to be so good to us and provide us with the strength that we need for each day.  In every moment of sadness and frustration, He is there.  In every doctor's office where you would expect fear, He provides peace.

David's favorite bible verse says- "Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  In all of your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your path"  (Proverbs 3:5-6)…We know that we are on the path that God has laid before us.  We take comfort in that.  Our job is walk the path He has laid before us and know that He will continue to be faithful to protect us, strengthen us, and direct our path.  

We are thankful to each of you for your willingness to walk alongside us by lifting us up in prayer and just by being there for us.  We love you.

February 15th, 2015

Over the last two weeks we have had appointments with our OBGYN and our Perinatologist.  It’s funny how much we look forward to these appointments, but then when they are upon us we start to dread them.  The Bible tells us that we shouldn’t be anxious or afraid about anything (Philippians 4:5-6; Isaiah 41:10), but that is something that I struggle with especially when it comes time for our doctors appointments.  I am anxious and afraid of what they might tell us is “wrong” with John as well as the journey ahead of us.  I have to remind myself every day that I need to take things day by day, moment by moment, and step by step.  Luckily, there are verses that assure me that the Lord is there with me day by day, moment by moment, and step by step; therefore, I do not need to worry or be anxious…I’m going to keep reminding myself of this!

Part of our anxiety lies in the fact that we are planners and we like to be in control of our schedule.  As my mom said, The Lord is trying to knock me upside the head through all of this because we really cannot make too many plans.  We are living in a grey-area…we don’t know what each appointment will bring and we have no idea what to expect after John is born.  On top of all of that, we made some plans out until I was 34 weeks along and the OBGYN told me that I couldn’t travel after 32 weeks pregnant…so we had to cancel our trip.  I thought that was bad, but then our perinatologist told me that I can’t travel after 28 weeks!!!  Basically I’m done leaving Georgia once spring break is over!  I seriously wanted to jump over the desk and shake him LOL!  Really, these time constraints are not a big deal, they just feel big because they are out of my control.  Again, reminding myself that I have to go day by day, moment by moment, and step by step.  And I’ll have to squeeze in everything I wanted to do in the next 14 weeks into the next 8 weeks!  ;-)

Our perinatology appointment was actually pretty positive.  I had a lengthy ultrasound with the ultrasound technician…we got to see John moving all over the place, happy as a little clam and thriving in my belly.  He was very active and his heart beat was strong….he wasn’t very cooperative with the photos so we left with a photo of his little face, mostly focused on his eyes.

Our perinatologist came in and performed another ultrasound.  This was our 20-week level 2 ultrasound so they were looking at John’s brain, heart, kidneys, umbilical cord, blood flow, and many other things that I didn’t know they could do on an ultrasound.  Based on all the measurements they took, John is growing right on schedule (little miracle!) and he weighs 11-ounces.  

We also found out that his little brain structure has developed completely normal (little miracle)!  This is something that we were nervous to hear about because babies with Trisomy 13 usually have major structural problems with their brain, and their brains do not divide properly into two hemispheres.  Unfortunately, John would not cooperate for the doctor to get a good look at his heart, so we have to wait six weeks for the major heart ultrasound.  

Our perinatologist was very nice and took time to answer any questions we might have (which are a lot!)…we are realizing we need to write down our questions so that we can remember what we want to ask him.  It is overwhelming to do this “off the cuff”.  He told us to look at John’s condition as “eventually fatal”…meaning that he thinks John is doing well enough that he will be born alive (one of our biggest prayers).  As far as how much time we will have with John on this earth, only The Lord knows that.  We will be blessed with any amount of time He gives us and we will make the most of it. 

I am reading a book called “The Red Sea Rules” by Robert J. Morgan…it is a great read for anyone…biblically based and chock full of verses!  This verse and quote from the book are comforting to me:

“Jesus answered and said to him ‘What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this’” John 13:7.

“When before the throne we stand in Him complete, all the riddles that puzzle us here will fall into place and we shall know in fulfillment what we now believe in faith- that all things work together for good in His eternal purpose.  No longer will we cry “My God, why?”  Instead, “alas” will become “Alleluia,” all question marks will be straightened into exclamation points, sorrow will change to singing, and pain will be lost in praise.” ~Vance Havner

January 15th, 2015

15 weeks 5 days pregnant

Today was the day that we were scheduled for our amniocentesis.  I was beyond scared for this procedure!  There was a 1 in 1000 chance that I could miscarry due to the procedure and the thought of that giant needle going into my belly made me ridiculously nervous.  I just had to pray and pray before the appointment...my family and friends prayed so much too...we felt every prayer.

As I lay there on the table, I was just praying to The Lord to help me and David get through the procedure with no complications (I was worried I wouldn't be able to have the amnio because I was coughing so much...just the beginning of a 2.5 week illness that is still going!).  

The doctor performed an in-depth ultrasound and we saw John's heart beating strong and he was moving around more than the last ultrasound.  He looked perfect on the ultrasound and we would know no different until the doctor gave us some insight on what he saw.  I took this ultrasound as a "small miracle" because John was growing right on schedule, only had a few physical abnormalities, and his little heart only has a small problem at this point.  I expected to hear so much worse, so I felt blessed by the few things the doctor found.

Next, it was time for the amnio.  The Lord protected me through the whole procedure, which lasted maybe 3 minutes once the needle was in.  I felt completely at ease and relaxed, and I know it was from all the prayers people had prayed for us.  I told David that I felt like I was in the "Jesus bubble"...I didn't even have the urge to cough even once!  The doctor commented that our boy was cooperating so well...that made me and David tear-up!  We later told each other what we were thinking when he said that and we were thinking the same thing "Awe, he's already such a good boy!"

We only had to wait until the following Monday for the preliminary results of the amnio.  I was devastated when I learned that the results confirmed the suspicion...John had Trisomy 13.  I think deep down I was still holding out for that 10% chance that there could be a miracle and he would be ok.  But, I've come to realize through all of this that God provides us with miracles, they just may not be what we expect.  We are going to be on the lookout for God's little miracles along the way.

January 8th, 2015

14 weeks 5 days pregnant

On Thursday January 8th, had our appointment with our regular OB/GYN.  I was really happy to meet with him because I not only trust his skill as a doctor, but I really trust him as a person.  He cut to the chase with us in our appointment and told us that he knew of people carrying babies with Trisomy 13 to term,  but he had never personally been down that road with a patient.  He told us that he had the OR ready for the next day should I decide to terminate the pregnancy...we told him that we were not going to consider that and he respected our wishes.  

While he respected our decision, he did feel the need to lay out all of the details for us...things we would have to think about along the way, decisions we would have to make, and the fact that I would continue to look pregnant and that everything would look fine from the outside.  Our heads were spinning, but we appreciated how honest he was with us.

He did tell us that our "fetus was incompatible with life"...again, medical terminology that didn't sit well with me:  1. Our "fetus" was a BOY!  and 2.  I had just seen an ultrasound the week before where our boy's heart was beating very strong and he was moving his arms and legs.  How could he be "incompatible with life"?!  He was still alive and well inside of me...only God can determine compatibility with life.  I realize that these "terms" are medical terms and that I shouldn't take offense to my doctor using them...but I will be sure to tell him our boy's name next time I see him!

January 3rd, 2015

What's in a name...

While we were driving to Big Canoe to spend the day with David's parents, we talked about a name for our baby boy.  David and I had been researching names on our own, and when we started talking about it, we realized we had picked out the same name- John.  We loved the biblical meaning of the name: "Grace or Mercy of the Lord".  We had asked our family and friends to pray for mercy on our baby boy and that he wouldn't be in any pain and, although our time on Earth with him may be short, we take comfort in knowing that we will, by the Grace of God, spend eternity with him in Heaven.

On the drive up to Big Canoe, you pass through a little town called Tate.  I have always loved that name...we looked it up and it means "Cheerful"...David and I both started tearing up.  We decided that our boy would be named John Tate Bottoms.

January 1st, 2015

13 weeks 5 days pregnant

We decided that we needed to send an email out to our friends and family letting them know about the news we received.  Here is a copy of the email we sent...the response to this email was overwhelming.  We feel so covered in prayer and in love!  One of the biggest blessings to come through all of this so far is to realize how much our family and friends care about us and how faithful they are to pray for us.  I have said this to our family: if there was ever a time in our life to go through something like this, this is the time...we have an amazing relationship with our family, an awesome church home, and a wonderful community of friends.

Dear Friends,

As a few of already know, and as most of you do not, we are expecting a second child (a son) in late June.  Brittney has just entered the second trimester so, to the extent that you did not know, it is because we have just started telling friends about the pregnancy and have been informally doing so as we saw you/talked to you.

The overarching purpose of this email is to ask for your prayers.  Yesterday, we received some very bad news regarding the health of our little baby boy.  He has a very rare genetic problem that will make it hard for him to live outside the womb.  To put things in perspective, the median lifespan for children with his condition is four days.  

As you can imagine, this is a very hard thing for us to even imagine, much less communicate to others.  Rather than try to pretend that everything was "okay" or have a multitude of very draining conversations to relay this news, we hope that you can understand why we are communicating this to you via email.

If you could please commit to joining with us in prayer in the following specific ways, we would be most appreciative:

1) Please pray that this situation would be used by God, to His Glory.  We may never know this side of heaven, what God's purpose is through this; however, we know He has a perfect plan for us and for our baby...this is not an accident or error on His part.  "And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

2) Please pray God's mercy on our little baby boy.  We do not want him to be in pain and, although our time on Earth with him may be short, we take comfort in knowing that we will spend eternity with him. "For I am convinced that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor things present, nor things to come, nor powers, nor height, nor depth, nor any other created things, will be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus." Romans 8:38-39

3) Please pray for God's strength, comfort, and peace for our family.  It goes without saying that this is going to be an incredibly difficult time for us and we pray that God would help us grow closer to each other, and closer to Him, through all of this.  "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7

Below is a devotional that we received yesterday morning (before we knew our baby was sick).  We do not believe that it was an accident that God provided us with this word of encouragement when He did.  We hope that the devotional will also be an encouragement to each of you.

We love each of you and are so very thankful for your friendship and support.  In times like this, words often fail us all, but please know that, more than anything, we appreciate knowing that you are praying for us and with us.

David & Brittney

December 31, 2014

From the "Leading the Way" Devotional

God on Our Side

By Michael Youssef, Ph.D.

What does it mean to have God working for us? First of all, it means that we are never alone, no matter what overwhelming problem we face. "God has said, 'Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.' So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?'" (Hebrews 13:5-6). God will never abandon us to solve our problems on our own. He desires to help us and to strengthen us.

Having God on our side also means that the fullness of God's power and ability is available to us. God is almighty and He can do anything. He not only created all things, but He sustains all things. Because God is all-wise, He knows everything about us and our situation. He knows future obstacles we have not even seen yet, and He knows the best way to overcome them. He has made every provision we need to be victorious. Because of God's all-loving nature, love is the underlying motive for everything that God does. No matter how bleak the situation seems, nothing is so powerful that it can separate us from God's love.

We also know that because God is working for us, He will help us in times of trouble. Romans 12:21 tells us, "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good." God wants us to change our negative situation into a positive one. God wants us to be a godly influence in this world. And God will give us the strength to accomplish His plan.

Prayer: God, thank You for working for me and for being on my side. I find great comfort knowing that I am never alone, that I have Your power available to me, and that You will help me in times of trouble. I pray in the name of Jesus. Amen.

"What, then, shall we say in response to this? If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31).

© 2014 Leading The Way

December 31st, 2014

13 weeks 5 days pregnant

David and I were having a good day preparing for our New Year's Eve party with close friends.  Drew, our three year-old son, was off to have a spend the night with his Mimi and Pop Pop and we had just gone to Waffle House (pregnancy craving!) for lunch.  We were heading back home to finish up our party preparations and to take a much needed nap (because at 13 weeks pregnant I was still SO TIRED!).  We were driving down the road to our house when my cell phone rang.  I didn't recognize the number, but I thought I better answer it since we were waiting to hear from our doctor about the test results.

It was our perinatologist calling.  I couldn't believe he was calling at 1pm on New Year's Eve.  He got right to the point and told me that our blood test came back abnormal for Trisomy 13.  The blood test combined with the abnormal ultrasound put us at a 90% risk for Trisomy 13.  

I had to make David pull the car over.  I could barely breathe.  I could not believe that the doctor was telling me this.  Honestly, I didn't even know what Trisomy 13 was...when I googled the Trisomy conditions that we were being tested for, I skipped over Trisomy 18 and 13 because they were SO RARE!  No way that could be us.  We were more prepared to hear that our baby had Trisomy 21, which is Down Syndrome...but not Trisomy 13.  He also told us that our baby was a "male"...I didn't like that wording...it's like when they call your baby who has a beating heart and is moving around inside you a "fetus"...it seems to de-sensitize the whole situation.

The doctor suggested that we meet with a genetic counselor.  We decided to drive down to Northside Hospital and hope that we could meet with the counselor that day.  As we were driving we were furiously googling the condition and getting more and more upset.  We called our family and told them that we had bad news but we didn't really know what it meant yet...but we shared the good and surprising news with them that our baby was a boy.

By the Grace of God, the genetic counselor found time to meet with us.  She was a very kind and compassionate woman who took so much time with us explaining what Trisomy 13 was and meant for our baby.  She went into all of the abnormalities that would likely plague our boy and that the condition is fatal.  Most babies, if they make it to birth, live for a median of four days.  She said that the only way to confirm 100% would be to have an amniocentesis.  She was gracious enough to get that scheduled for us two weeks later.  We asked her if she had ever seen an amnio come back and say that there was nothing wrong with the baby after having the abnormal blood test and ultrasound...she said "no".  Our hearts were broken.

We returned to our car (after much searching since we couldn't remember where we parked in the parking garage)...I told David that we had to choose a name for our sweet baby boy.  It's not something we needed to decide that day, but it was something that we needed to do soon.  

We drove home and continued to prepare for the party that we were hosting that night.  Our good friends who were co-hosting with offered to have us  move the party to their home, but we felt like we had to move forward and keep some normalcy...everything was ready to go, I just had to cook a little - which is therapeutic for me!  We didn't tell anyone else about what happened that day, we just wanted everyone to enjoy themselves...and we welcomed the distraction.

We couldn't believe what was happening, but we took some comfort in the fact that we knew this was God's plan for us and for our sweet baby boy...

December 22nd, 2014

12 weeks 2 days pregnant 

We were very excited to have our first appointment with our perinatologist on December 21st.  My OB sent me to a perinatologist since I will be 35 years old when I deliver.  I was excited to go because that meant more ultrasounds and more pictures of our sweet baby!  Our plan for the appointment was to get a good look at our baby and ask if we could do the new "gender blood test"...we were so anxious to find out if we were going to have a boy or a girl (everyone thought our baby would be a girl!).  We didn't even really consider that the test for gender was actually a test for Trisomy 21, 18, and 13.

We went in for the ultrasound and the technician took a while to get measurements and pictures.  When she left the room, I told David that I had such a peace about this pregnancy and that I wasn't as anxious as I had been through my first pregnancy.  Then the doctor came in...and he took even longer and wasn't saying much.  Finally, he said that the baby's "nuchal fold" was twice as thick as it should be and that we needed to come into his office to discuss.  

When we got into his office, he said there was a 20% chance that there was something very wrong with our baby.  He was focusing on the 20% chance of something wrong rather than the 80% chance that the baby was ok.  Through his discussion he was encouraging us to take a more aggressive route of having a CVS test right away to determine if something was wrong, and if his suspicions were confirmed then we could "decide what our next steps would be"...we took took that to mean terminating the pregnancy.  We told him that we were not even going to consider termination and that we would like to take the less aggressive route at that point, which happened to be the "gender blood test" that we now needed not just for the gender determination.  We now had to have that test so we could rule out the possibility of Trisomy 21, 18, or 13.

I rushed over to LabCorp so I could get the blood test sent out as soon as possible.  It would take 10-14 days to receive the results of the test.

During this hard time of waiting on the results, David reached out to the Elders of our church and asked if they would be willing to pray for us.  Not only were they willing to pray for us, they actually met with us after the Christmas Eve service at church, anointed us with oil, laid hands on us, and prayed that the results of this test would come back and everything would be ok...and they also prayed that if the test results were not as we hoped, that The Lord would prepare us for the journey ahead.  We asked our family to pray the same thing for us and they did as well.

Our Story

"FOR YOU FORMED MY INWARD PARTS; YOU WOVE ME TOGETHER IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB.  I WILL GIVE THANKS TO YOU, FOR I AM FEARFULLY AND WONDERFULLY MADE...MY FRAME WAS NOT HIDDEN FROM YOU, WHEN I WAS MADE IN SECRET, AND SKILLFULLY WROUGHT IN THE DEPTHS OF THE EARTH."  PSALM 139:13-14, 16

Our lives changed forever on December 31, 2014.  As we were driving back to our house, having finalized preparations for a New Year's Eve party we were hosting for good friends, we received a call that shook us to our core.  For us, it was one of those moments we always dreaded, but never expected.

Our perinatologist called to inform us that our unborn baby, only 13 weeks along at the time, had Trisomy 13.  Trisomy 13 is an incredibly rare condition in which cells have a third 13th chromosome in every set.  In the same conversation, we learned that we were having a baby boy, who we have named, John Tate Bottoms.

If we make it to delivery, our John will be 1 in 16,000 that actually makes it to birth.  To the extent he makes it this far, he will likely only live for a few hours or days.  90% of women miscarry in the 1st trimester when their child has this condition...and many choose to terminate the pregnancy when they receive the diagnosis.  John is already beating the odds and we know that God has a perfect plan for him.

While the past few weeks have been incredibly hard and the weeks and months to come will no doubt also be painful, John has already had an incredibly positive impact on our lives and has drawn us closer to our Lord.  The prayers and notes from family and countless friends (even some dear people we do not personally know) have been such an encouragement to us and the Lord has been so faithful in providing us a peace that has truly surpassed all understanding.  

Even though Baby John has not even yet drawn his first breath, he is already a blessing to us.  Accordingly, we know with absolute certainty that the inspired words of God in Psalm 139 apply to our baby just as to any other.  God is fearfully and wonderfully making our baby boy, and He has an important purpose for his existence.

As God continues to bless us through Baby John, we hope and pray that you also will be blessed as you follow along with us as we chronicle our journey with our sweet baby boy.