Over the last two weeks we have had appointments with our OBGYN and our Perinatologist. It’s funny how much we look forward to these appointments, but then when they are upon us we start to dread them. The Bible tells us that we shouldn’t be anxious or afraid about anything (Philippians 4:5-6; Isaiah 41:10), but that is something that I struggle with especially when it comes time for our doctors appointments. I am anxious and afraid of what they might tell us is “wrong” with John as well as the journey ahead of us. I have to remind myself every day that I need to take things day by day, moment by moment, and step by step. Luckily, there are verses that assure me that the Lord is there with me day by day, moment by moment, and step by step; therefore, I do not need to worry or be anxious…I’m going to keep reminding myself of this!
Part of our anxiety lies in the fact that we are planners and we like to be in control of our schedule. As my mom said, The Lord is trying to knock me upside the head through all of this because we really cannot make too many plans. We are living in a grey-area…we don’t know what each appointment will bring and we have no idea what to expect after John is born. On top of all of that, we made some plans out until I was 34 weeks along and the OBGYN told me that I couldn’t travel after 32 weeks pregnant…so we had to cancel our trip. I thought that was bad, but then our perinatologist told me that I can’t travel after 28 weeks!!! Basically I’m done leaving Georgia once spring break is over! I seriously wanted to jump over the desk and shake him LOL! Really, these time constraints are not a big deal, they just feel big because they are out of my control. Again, reminding myself that I have to go day by day, moment by moment, and step by step. And I’ll have to squeeze in everything I wanted to do in the next 14 weeks into the next 8 weeks! ;-)
Our perinatology appointment was actually pretty positive. I had a lengthy ultrasound with the ultrasound technician…we got to see John moving all over the place, happy as a little clam and thriving in my belly. He was very active and his heart beat was strong….he wasn’t very cooperative with the photos so we left with a photo of his little face, mostly focused on his eyes.
Our perinatologist came in and performed another ultrasound. This was our 20-week level 2 ultrasound so they were looking at John’s brain, heart, kidneys, umbilical cord, blood flow, and many other things that I didn’t know they could do on an ultrasound. Based on all the measurements they took, John is growing right on schedule (little miracle!) and he weighs 11-ounces.
We also found out that his little brain structure has developed completely normal (little miracle)! This is something that we were nervous to hear about because babies with Trisomy 13 usually have major structural problems with their brain, and their brains do not divide properly into two hemispheres. Unfortunately, John would not cooperate for the doctor to get a good look at his heart, so we have to wait six weeks for the major heart ultrasound.
Our perinatologist was very nice and took time to answer any questions we might have (which are a lot!)…we are realizing we need to write down our questions so that we can remember what we want to ask him. It is overwhelming to do this “off the cuff”. He told us to look at John’s condition as “eventually fatal”…meaning that he thinks John is doing well enough that he will be born alive (one of our biggest prayers). As far as how much time we will have with John on this earth, only The Lord knows that. We will be blessed with any amount of time He gives us and we will make the most of it.
I am reading a book called “The Red Sea Rules” by Robert J. Morgan…it is a great read for anyone…biblically based and chock full of verses! This verse and quote from the book are comforting to me:
“Jesus answered and said to him ‘What I am doing you do not understand now, but you will know after this’” John 13:7.
“When before the throne we stand in Him complete, all the riddles that puzzle us here will fall into place and we shall know in fulfillment what we now believe in faith- that all things work together for good in His eternal purpose. No longer will we cry “My God, why?” Instead, “alas” will become “Alleluia,” all question marks will be straightened into exclamation points, sorrow will change to singing, and pain will be lost in praise.” ~Vance Havner